We’ve all been there. Sat in a room or part of an email chain, when colleagues receive attention and consideration for support, such as coaching or mentoring, that we feel we deserve too. And yet, we do nothing – unsure of what the repercussions might be if we speak up and, even if we do, are often told to effectively wait our turn (although never in so many words, of course.)
I was reminded of this recently when I attended the IFLR Women in Business Law: Practicalities of Mentoring, Coaching and Sponsorship event in London. While sitting listening to the great speakers and the theory behind why these types of support mechanisms can help, I wondered how many women in the room ever felt they’d been overlooked for such an opportunity, as I did at the start of my career.
Before you start thinking about whether you should seek some support, or decide on who that backing should come from, it’s worth understanding what type of assistance you are looking for:
Coaching: Usually structured in nature, with a specific outcome or goal in place. Your coach doesn’t need to have direct experience of your role, and it is usually conducted for a set duration. Focus is on development/specific challenges.
Mentoring: More informal relationship, usually occuring on an ongoing basis that can last for a long period of time. Your mentor is usually someone with more experience and knowledge and can help you through a wide agenda, decided upon by you. Focus is on broad personal and career development.
Sponsorship: Sponsors are opportunity makers who act on your behalf. They can connect you to the right people and ensure you’re seen by the leaders within your organisation. They offer critical feedback and have a vested interest in seeing you succeed. Focus is on getting you to the top.
Despite the career changing opportunities these types of support can present, as women, we lack the confidence to ask for them, instead hesitating too long before the moment and the opportunity is passed.
As a female who has herself had to manoeuvre the large corporate world, I look back and now, with hindsight, fully understand the impact that lack of support had on my early career. By being overlooked for coaching and mentoring in favour of my male colleagues, my confidence was low and I was left feeling inadequate. In the testosterone-dominated world of investment banking, I struggled to get commitment for any support – which is why I urge you to think about how a mentor, coach or sponsor could help you.
Start with an outcome: What exactly do you want to get from the relationship and why do you need support? Is there a promotion or career jump you want to aim for, or a tricky scenario that, if handled correctly, could help propel your career into a new area? Think about the different facets of your job; are there some areas you could improve on, or develop further? Most importantly: have a vision of where you want to go; be objective about how to get there; and be articulate about who can help and counsel you on the journey.
It’s not something that you might need all the time but, at specific moments in your career, support from someone unconnected with your direct situation could help. And, not to get all Lean In on you, don’t hesitate once you’ve made that decision. Don’t hesitate to speak to the person in your organisation you think could be your best mentor; Don’t hesitate to seek help from your HR department if it’s formal coaching you want. And don’t hesitate to look outside your organisation if you think there is someone more appropriate that can help you.
There is a difference between putting yourself forward and peacocking and, while I am certainly not an advocate of politicking, I am a true believer in you being proud of your personal brand. Undoubtedly you’ve worked hard to be where you are today, so have faith in your own abilities. This should culminate in the authenticity that allows your confidence to grow and develop. Use this confidence to ask for the help and support you need.
Deep in my corporate days, I would never have believed I could be where I am today – head of a global company employing more than 400 people, of which more than 70% are women. And, of course, mentor to several colleagues both internal and external to my business. They don’t require my attention constantly but, when a scenario occurs or a promotion is upcoming, having someone on hand – who they feel can help them bridge any knowledge gaps with advice and guidance – is where I step in. And I am more than proud to do so.
I’m attending another IFLR Women in Business Law Forum 2017 event this week on 15th June, and I hope to see you there. If you want to chat or just swap experiences, then please don’t hesitate to come and talk to me.
Author – Nicola Stott, Global Managing Director at Exigent Group Limited
